Sunday, May 25, 2008
A Lost Soul Like Me.
It's been haunting my mind lately. I have this feeling of emptiness that I can't quite put my finger on. I don't know the origin of it. I feel lost in a way. A lot of times I feel like my soul isn't in my body, like its just drifting away to somewhere else. I wish my body could join it. It's like I am a vacant vessel just living, same routine is getting redundant. Wake up, take a shower,do hair, get dressed, go to work,...work , work, work, go home, get on the inet, talk to a few friends, go to sleep and do it all over again. Perhaps I need to be more adventurous I am too young to be leading a mundane lifestyle. I want to get out and do more things, I want to go where the excitement is, I just want to be living my ideal life. Really, what is my ideal life anyways? I have the images and captions in my mind on where and who I would like to be as a person. I just need to actually mold them into something. That's probably my problem I have so much built up ambition and potential and I don't act upon it. I mean I take little leaps and jumps here and there, but I don't fully let my feet off the ground long enough land somewhere totally different. I need a change of scenery, perhaps different people in my life. I've already been toying with the idea of erasing some people out and well I mean I have in a way. I've slowly been more distant with others. I just need to take care of myself and my needs. I am always around for others, but when I am in need rarely any are around for me. Well I do have a few friends who I do speak my mind with but I still feel misunderstood. I can't really find the right words to express how I am feeling. I wish I could figure out what I am yearning for and how to resolve this feeling. I've always carried this feeling with me since I was a young child. Maybe I am just a lost soul here on earth. Roaming and roaming until I find a place I can call home
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1 comment:
It's hard for ME to say what YOU are missing. I have speculations. Somehow I think you're missing being in a relationship. Though I don't blame you for it; somehow you have to deviate away from that idea - because truthfully, maybe you never will find the one you love. Will you? Probably; but maybe not, and if that's the case, its up to YOU to make your life happy without that other person. You have to fill that void before meeting that Mr. Right as well; Because a relationship is NOT finding the one who completes you, it's 2 whole bodies; 2 whole souls; 2 complete beings together.
I know that you have a lot of things that you want in a potential mate, and that's awesome that you KNOW what you want. But keep in mind that a lot of the qualities that we want in that 'perfect person for us' are things we find in other people. Example: I want someone who has the same sense of humor as I do, or appreciates mine at least (You, as my friend are able to take care of that need for me) - I also want someone who has insight to different situations, and loves to go out for a beer every now and then (Nicole does this for me). So instead of looking for the person that has all of these qualities, for the time being , surround yourself with people who have the qualities that you admire in a person. :)
I think your emptiness could also be career related. Call me crazy, but I don't think you went to school to be a BDC. Though, as a manager, its my job to keep you here and wanting to be here, you're my friend these days, and I care about your happiness above all, and keeping you somewhere where you don't want to be is ridiculous. Anyway, go back to school. Or, if you're schooled, then get a job in YOUR FIELD. I guarantee a bit of fufillment.
I get a lot of lonely times not that Andrew and I are no longer together. Though I didn't see him too often, in my mind I saw him everyday. And now, that I've dealt with the loss, I need to get myself back on track, and back into school. I think that if you busy yourself with things that you love to do, your void will be filled.
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