Growing.

So all and all the day was okay. My mother cooked and her friend came over. I went to a friends house and chilled. I come home from being at my friend's house and I see my mother on the phone. I noticed the look on her face. I have seen that look a few times, she always takes and deep breath and tries to "collect her self". So I just sit and wait to collect bits and pieces from the conversation so I could maybe put them all together. She then hands up the phone with my grandmother. She looks at me and says "Jaye, Lil' Grandma has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's" I have kinda been expecting this due to the way my aunt talks about her behavior. I have worked at two nursing homes before and I particularly loved being around those patients more than others. I just replied "Yeah, I kinda figured that would happen soon" I didn't mean it in a nonchalant way, I just really didn't know how to take it. I wasn't happy about it of course but I wasn't sad either. I mean it could have been worse. She could have some type of heart problem, cancer, or other disease that would be hard to treat at her age. Then I thought back to the lively woman I remember her being. She was always up and about. I remember going to Center City and The Gallery with her in Philly and going to the bank. Going to Strawbridge's and walking through the center looking to see where they used to have the Christmas light shows. That did put me in a tears a bit. This woman with her wits about her, now not even able to be left alone in her own home. I could tell my mother is very worried about her as well as I am too. We don't want to put her in a nursing home, that's the last thing we want. I am hoping my grandmother will finally come and live with us, my mother has been trying for years. I wouldn't mind at all. Most of my childhood memories are with her and just being with her in Philadelphia. I didn't think I would be this sad about it. I just figured oh she is old, I guess it's bound to happen. Well now that it has, I can't believe I could think that way. I just don't want her to forget who I am. That would hurt the most. For my own family to not have any idea who I was. I just hope it doesn't get to that point. I guess these are things that you have to face as well all get older. Things change, no matter how much you want them to stay the same, they will not and that's one of the things I hate and love about life.
Something is always changing.