A Black Heart.

My heart is so heavy, my soul is so weak, am I broken. Have I finally reached defeat? My eyes flooded with tears but they dare not fall, to run down my cheeks and to die in my lips. They stay in their place of origin. I slowly move, distracting my thoughts onto something else. Something less heavy. Heavy as in the feeling of provoking this ill feeling in my stomach. My head begins to ache, I feel my heart fluttering as my breath becomes weaker and weaker. Am I dying? Would I ever get the pleasure to leave such ill feelings alone for eternity or would I still in my eternal slumber carry each and every feeling with me. I want to throw every issue out one by one just casting each to the wind to never to return to me. I yearn for the basic human instinct to be accepted and loved. I can't be cold for my heart is too warm and filled with gold. So hard for me to build a bridge and get over it. For I know it will be weak like me in my current state, it will crumble and fold as soon as place my foot down. I will be stuck where I am always am, right at the beginning of everything. Left to pick up the pieces and rebuild my home. I lost so many things in so many storms. Perhaps I lost pieces of myself with each gust of wind that came along. I hide behind this mask, hoping that one day someone will be bold enough to remove it. Not only bold but care enough to choose so. I am waiting for the day where I will get my wings and I will fly away, each mile I fly closer and closer to heaven I'll be. I am stuck here with my feet planted on the ground. I yearn for so much more, my head can't even begin to paint the images, for I know they will be beautiful. I am broken. Broken like the heart that never was fixed. I wish to push all these ill feelings aside, for no one will throw me a life line to help separate it from the tides that come and wash my smile away.....I am broken.