Lately...I've been feeling stuck. I've finished school, but I no one will hire me until I am certified. I was under that impression that I could work if I was receiving my certification within a number of days. I guess that impression was FALSE! Alot has changed since last year, even though I didn't notice til I was reflecting on everything that happened since then. I did make some progression even though it may not seem like it. I finally finished something I started for once in my life. I have a habit of starting lots of things then when I am not longer interested I just let them drift away....that applies to alot of aspects in my life. Eh, but that's another story for another time I suppose. Well....anyways. I am happy that I did complete something, I know a month of school doesn't seem that bad...but it's just the fact that I completed it is what I am proud of. I am just ready to get my life in order. I am tired of being at home. I want my own space. I want to be able to do anything I please. I am not saying my parents are strict on me...but I just like having my own shit. I've always been like that since I was young. I guess it's because I was the only child in my house for about 8 years...I just always had everything to myself. Selfish...much? Yeah just a tad. I still feel like that child at 8 years old though. I don't really feel like I have begun to live my life. 22 years old and I haven't lived life yet...kinda sad. I know people who have babies are married. Have their own houses.....etc. at the age of 18. I guess I am just a little behind. I've always been a immature as far as progression in life events, but emotional mature. It's kinda backwards. I just want to really get into living. I am ready do so many things with myself. Maybe I want to run away from my emotions and problems I am dealing with and indulge myself in working, paying bills, finding my own place, getting a new car....you know shit that matters. Emotions don't matter.....I wish they didn't. I drown myself in other things to shut them out. Maybe, that's the problem. I am always drowning then when I have the chance to get air, I am still left floating in the ocean...so I continue to float back under.....
fuck it all. I just want my money.
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1 comment:
$$$ on my mind.
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