...How could you be so Dr. Evil.

I just sitting here wondering as I always seem to do. Maybe the reason I am not in a relationship is that I tend to run for cover when I feel myself liking the person more and more or a situation goes down and then I analyze it to the fullest and then just leave it there to wither away without address or saying anything to the other person. I have been accused of being combative, smart mouthed and angry but then on the other hand I've been compared to a deaf mute. I noticed when I really do like someone I just completely shut down and don't know how to put my feelings into words, it's very hard for me. Mainly because I am scared of what they will say and think and I don't want to push them away coming across as "crazy". Now, don't get me wrong I am not one of those stalker, jealous type chicks. I am chill and laid back. I observe alot of things and take them in before I make any sudden moves. Kinda like a plan of attack kinda thing I guess. Well.... We often don't see how we truly are until we stop and consider everything others see in us. It does hurt me to see am I this way. Maybe I have pushed away people who were good for me with my actions. I don't know what to think anymore. I woke up this morning thinking "Well, another one bites the dust" with that sick empty feeling inside. Simply because I want to run away from something that has happened. I act weird and aloof and just simply let everything slip from my hands. Like Gabby says I am guess I am cold heart bitch. Lol. I feel it's just my way of protecting myself from things that happened to me in the past. I thought I was over all this....I guess not.

"I just want someone to say to me.
I'll always be here when you wake.
You know I'd like to keep your cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made"